A fresh dose of reality from E4

Are we already sick of TOWIE and MIC? Well, it doesn’t seem to matter to E4 who are introducing yet another line-up of trashy shows this Winter. They’re bringing some of reality TV’s best loved shows back and introducing a brand new location-based ‘documentary.’ It’s time to turn those telly boxes on and catch all the drama and hijinks from the 2011 additions of Shipwrecked, Tool Academy and Desperate Scousewives!

Shipwrecked 2011, cast

Shipwrecked started this week on E4 and is due to repeat on T4 this weekend. After a two year hiatus, it brings back all the over-exposed flesh that we know and love. The show made famous such celebs as Jeff Brazier, and this cast of nobodies hopes to emulate his success. For those of you who don’t know, Shipwrecked  is set on a ‘deserted’ island (obviously excluding the film crew) bringing together handsome hunks and beautiful babes in a leadership battle to win a cash prize. Like most reality shows it has romance, drama and a complete disregard for sun protection.

Anna, Shipwrecked

As ever, the new 2011 cast wander around this ‘uninhabited’ island with an unnecessary amount of flesh showing. Most, if not all, are sexually charged; you’d think they were in-line for castration judging by the way they want to knob everything.

The contestants don’t disappoint; there’s a line up of models, hairdressers and Essex girls – taking a pinch from every reality show on the market and blending it together with sea and sand. So far, the only characters worth noting are Anna Watts, the self proclaimed model, whose claim to fame is being a ‘Miss’ of some British county. She’s so far caused no end of annoyance by hiding the camp rations, logical to only her but no one else.

Bear, shipwrecked

The next character, who might as well of been a walking penis with all the testosterone flowing through him, is Bear, better known as Stephen, he’s a roofer from Walthamstow. Looking like he walked off the set of TOWIE, this ladies man has only one train of thought: booze, bums and birds. His number one victim seems to be model Anna who, judging by Twitter, was ultimately seduced by the charms of a philistine. The two have been taking pictures together, fuelling hopes that there’ll be a romance in this years Shipwrecked; scandal!

Anna and bear together

Worth noting for any avid viewer is the interesting relationship between Tristan Tate and Kitten, otherwise known as Jamie Tyler (what is it with reality stars and stupid names), arguing over seemingly everything; these two just can’t seem to agree.

Kitten, tool academy

Kitten looks like a younger, more irritating, Pete Burns and Tristan looks like, well, a twat; full of his own self importance and completely ignoring anyone else’s opinion, the kick boxer just loves causing a ruckus. Completely deluded, his  Shipwrecked approach seems to be getting on everyone’s tits. But most islanders seemed to have been duped by his game playing, apparently fooled by his lacklustre charm, and have selected him as island leader for the next week. Will this be a winning strategy for the monotoned muscle man? Or will cross-dressing Kitten knock him down a few pegs? Well, I cannot wait to find out.

Tool academy, series, season, 2, cast

Next week proves even more exciting for reality fodder with the new series of Tool Academy! And who knew that anyone else but me actually watched the last series. This British remake of an American formula seems to have won the hearts of the nosey. Last year offered us nothing better than relationship ‘beef’. It was like Jeremy Kyle after hours: fantastic in its scripting and failing in its romantic help. This series promises to have just as many chavs and wife-beaters as last year.

Tool Academy, boys, wild, out, drinking

Undeniably one of the trashiest shows, I cannot wait to see what antics these boys get up to. The tweets of the tools seem to confirm that these lads will be just as much the louts as last year (they’ve already been pictured semi-naked and mooning). And thank God for that, who could forget the turbulent relationship between Pete Bradley, poser tool, and Becky Constantinou. It appeared that Becky was in more need of relationship counselling than her tool counterpart. In a bid to attain notoriety and fame, there was nothing that Becky wouldn’t do to turn the cameras back to her. Resulting in explosive arguments and temper tantrums; making Tool Academy a reality classic.

Pete, Tool academy, baby,

But, despite the odds, it seems that Tool Academy really did work for Becky and Pete as they now have a bouncing baby between them (cute). See, there is a need for reality TV; it creates life!

And in a final attempt to secure the reality market E4 has got one more programme up its sleeve, and that programme is Desperate Scousewives. With its hilarious title, one can’t help but chuckle at the sheer thought of this show. Maybe it’s just me, but glam and Liverpool are the antithesis of each other and you can’t help but think there’s going to be a little ‘laughing at’ and not ‘laughing with.’

Desperate Scousewives

The upcoming December show says that it’ll have some of Liverpool’s most notable people. But reading the line-up it seems more like desperate WAGs. The era of footballers’ wives ended in the early noughties and this seems to be the only way the soccer mums can get back on our screens. Sorry ladies, but ITV2‘s WAGs Boutique was awful, let’s hope you’re more like the trophy wives in Real Housewives of Orange County and less like Coleen Rooney.

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