As the results loom for the semi-final of X Factor, we take a look back at the contestants that didn’t quite make it through to this week’s final and what they may (not really) possibly be up to now!
2 Shoes consisted of Charley and Lucy a blonde and a brunette from Essex! – riding on the fame of The Only Way Is Essex, there was a massive love for them. It’s a shame that their mentor Tulisa booted them out. Mind you, with the fact that one of them couldn’t finish a song without smudging her lipstick, I think it was best.
Where are they now? Well I do believe they are currently working with the directors of TOWIE and are working on their cameo appearance as well as organising the pinkest baby shower for the one that got knocked up.
Johnny Robinson was the high pitched “joke” act- turned Gary Barlow kisser, who made it further than necessary.
Where is he now? Johnny is paying his dues to HRH with a bout of community service around Harrow after trying to swindle the government! Picking up garbage with other men, sounds like a hard job, but, David Cameron has to make an example of law breaking, high pitched, cruise ship singers somehow.
Craig Colton got far by singing Adele songs in the way…well, in the way that Adele would sing it. People said he would go far, but how? He was BORING!
Where is he now? I won’t go for the cheap shot of him going back to work in the biscuit factory. No no no, in actual made-up fact, he has followed suit into the reality TV world and is joining Desperate Scousewives to become a silent partner in Mark & Chris’ salon. What the name of the Salon on is, I really couldn’t tell you, let alone care, but either way, there will be biscuits at tea time and Adele playing in the background. Should that not work out for Craig, I’m sure the biscuit factory has his position still open. Celebrity Craig Colton biscuits, with his face on it! AMAZE!
Frankie Cocozza got booted off the XFactor with reports that he was taking drugs and for being a freakin’ mini-wild child. The fact that he couldn’t sing was a different issue.
Where is he now? Frankie is on a private island being toy boy to a big burly rich bloke in exchange for drugs, booze and alcohol. Whilst the big guy sleeps, Frankie gets his meat and two veg out and feeds the local ladies.
Kitty Brucknell, despite being massively disliked at the beginning of the competition, I warmed to her towards the end and enjoyed most of her performances, despite her insistence on wearing a leotard EVERY eviction week.
Where is she now? You can find her in her own house with a team of girls in Amsterdam’s Red Light District performing renditions of “Bad Romance” before she lets her Kitty cat devour her clients. (She is currently looking into what surgery she can have to be able to get a claim in the Blue Light area too).
The rest of ‘em, where are they now?
Jonjo Kerr has gone back to the Army.
Sami Brookes has gone and purchased new hair.
Sophie Habibis quit her barmaid gig in a pub in Islington and is now DJing and has set her sights on becoming the best female DJ Lloyds Bar have ever seen!
Janet Devlin with having enough of being called “Ireland’s sweetheart” has pushed off back to Ireland to try and regain her bad girl image – just because you don’t listen to Beyoncé but you listen to Red Hot Chilli Peppers, sweetheart, this does not make you bad ass.
Nu-vibe No-Vibe broke down completely when Ashford Campbell left their sorry asses behind and are now in retail jobs such as Footlocker and JD Sports.
The Risk, regardless of their smooth vocals and my love for them (even though I never voted) can now be seen shopping around in Westfield and taking pictures with women that will do anything just to touch their sexy faces. (Me.)
Albeit far-fetched and idealistic, all views stated here are my own and in no-way reflect the paths that each reject has taken. Albeit, should Sophie and Kitty find that from reading this they have found their calling, I will step aside gracefully and allow them to cherish these moments now before they become a lost memory and end up in the same Sainsbury’s supermarket aisle as Joe McEldry. (Not even sure if I’ve spelt his name right, but that shows how much I don’t care!)